I’ve been meaning to introduce you to these micro menaces for quite some time. How rude of me. I do apologise.

The Lairies are fairies who have been booted out of Fairyland and erased from the pages of all sensible fairy tales due to a series of terribly rude and nasty vices that have made them quite unsuitable for the eyes and ears of nice little children.

Each one of these grubby nuisances has a filthy habit that would make good people  like us, with our lovely and perfect manners, wrinkle our noses in disgust and shudder with horror.

Good people like us would never find it funny, for example, to make rude noises with our bottoms, pull horrid faces in a great temper or secretly listen in on other good people’s private conversations.

Not like these pint-sized pests.

violet sneaker parp hohum

So fair warning then, you are only to get the slightest bit involved with a Lairy if you have, at the very least, a tiny nugget of mischief lurking inside your bones, hiding behind your ears or crouching sneakily in the itches of the most hard-to-scratch spots between your shoulder blades.

If you always clean your teeth for three whole minutes, tidy your toys away the second you’ve finished playing with them, and never, ever leave it to someone else to clean up your sticky messes, I’d keep a safe distance from all Lairies if I were you. Several land miles and a decent stretch of water ought to do the trick.

However, if you swing frequently between Santa’s nice and naughty lists throughout the year, if you occasionally spring back up from under the covers after the lights are turned out at bedtime, if you purposefully jump in puddles wearing your school shoes, well then, the Lairies might just be the folk for you after all.

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